The Next Steps

With another semester slowly heading towards a close, Mitch and I have some bittersweet news to share with everyone! From Mitch:

With all of the excitement and anticipation this time of year brings, Amy and I wanted to share a bit of exciting news about our ministry as well.  As many of you well know, one of my (Mitch) major passions as a Christian is to teach truth to fellow Christians regarding their faith and why we can be confident it is true and coherent.  That has continued to be the case during my last five years on staff with Campus Crusade.  One of my favorite things we do on campus as a ministry is give a weekly talk discussing the deeper things of God and his Gospel.  There are so many ideas floating around a college campus, and as Ravi Zacharias likes to say, “Ideas have the greatest of consequences… either for good or for ill.”  The battle for the mind and true ideas is fierce and never ending, especially on ever “progressive” college campus. 

A few months ago, with this in mind, Amy and I had a discussion as to where we would like to see ourselves and our family in 5 or 10 years.  Where was God leading us?  What giftings and passions had he given us that would lead us?  It is normal for a cru staffer to be asked to take on team leadership role after their 5^th year.  Is that something we felt led to do, or perhaps something else?  Amy asked, “If you could do anything, what would you want to do?”  Without thinking much about it, I responded, “I would love to go to seminary to teach theology and apologetics to Christian students so that they can be a light in an ever hostile world.”  We hadn’t really even considered the possibility before, but now that it had been said (and with the risk of over-spiritualizing a situation, said by the influence of the Holy Spirit), it seemed to make great sense.  I love teaching the material, but most of the time I feel woefully inadequate in my knowledge. 

Since then, Amy and I have prayed about it and have received great confidence in where our next steps will place us as a family.  We will continue to be in ministry, but it will look very different.  I have applied to and have been accepted at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary based out of Louisville.  They offer one of the best degrees in Christian Apologetics and worldview studies, and they have extension centers throughout the country for easy access to education.  While we will still be working towards careers in ministry, we will regretfully be leaving full time staff with Campus Crusade in September.  We have truly loved our time as full time missionaries, but our time of dedicating our lives to spreading the Gospel of Christ will never be over this side of Heaven.  All of your support has been and continues to be a great and eternal blessing!                                       - Mitch

  This has been such a hard decision for our family! We absolutely love the relationships we have made in Mississippi and through Cru (Campus Crusade). However, we are very confident in God's calling and we are also excited for this new step for our family. The degree program that Mitch is enrolled in has the possibility to do a good portion of his school work online. Because of this, Mitch and I had the freedom to job search in several different places and pray for God to open doors wherever he desired us. After applying and searching in several different cities, we have had two open doors in Columbus, Georgia. I (Amy) will be accepting a job to work alongside my dad at his business; something that I did in high school and I am so excited about getting to do again! Mitch has accepted a job offer at Calvary Christian High School to teach mathematics. The way that both of these doors opened up have left us extremely confident that Columbus is where the Lord is calling us to go as we work our way through seminary. We plan on moving sometime this summer before the school season starts this fall. 

We are so thankful for the many of you who have prayed for us and supported us during our time with Cru and we covet your prayers as we begin a new branch of ministry in Columbus! 

#unfiltered

Masks: we are all living behind one. Thanks to social media, our masks have gotten bolder, more beautiful, and most importantly, more deceiving. Working with college students (mostly women), this issue comes up every. single. day. We walk around daily struggling with relationships, jobs, weight, appearances, parenthood, money, and the list goes on. But we don't show other people that! Instead, we hop on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook and post pictures of ourselves in the mirrors at the gym, or our child laughing (for the 1 second that he laughed that day), or of the flowers our sweet {insert significant other here} gave us for no reason at all! Or we tweet about how much weight we have lost, or how in love we are, or how perfect our lives are, etc. etc.

And by we, I mean me; my mask is just as big and just as deceiving and that is sad. It is sad because I talk to women daily who are struggling with the same things I do but they think they are alone. It is sad because 90% of the time I think that I am the worst person/mom/wife/Christian/woman ever because I think I am the only one who doesn't do things perfectly. We suffer because we are not honest about our lives. We struggle because we are not honest about our sin. We struggle because we would rather hide behind a picture-perfect mirage than be honest about the harder parts of our lives. We suffer because we only show one-side and so does everyone else. We suffer because that is NOT what Christ has called us to.

We (I) are called to be humble. We (I) are called to be lowly. We (I) are called to be less so that He can be more. We (I) are called to be transparent. We (I) exist solely to bring glory to God and to live in such a way that others can come to know the Lord and the redemptive work He accomplished through Christ's death on the cross. If you were to look on Instagram or Facebook, there is no room for that. If you were to look at MY Instagram and Facebook, there is no room for that. We (I) are too busy painting the picture of people & relationships who do not need to be redeemed because they are already perfect! I am too busy bringing glory to myself. I am too busy making people and their opinions of me bigger than God. And I am too busy helping others do the same.

I post pictures on Instagram and Facebook because I want to show off my family. I post pictures of myself because I want people to tell me I'm pretty, or that I look great, or that they can't believe I've lost the baby weight! When in fact, I have not lost the baby weight nor has it been easy too; adding more self-image struggles onto years of weight and body-image issues. I post pictures or statuses about how good of a baby Levi is and how much I love being a mother. I do love Levi and I do love being a mother but there have been MANY times over the past 4 months that I have said (out loud) that I hated being a mother and that it was too hard (This coming from the woman who pleaded with God for a baby for well over a year). I post about things that make me seem like a good mother. When in fact, I have yelled at my baby in the middle of the night more. than. once. And how I wish it stopped there.

I have posted about how wonderful my husband and marriage is and how great we get along. I do love my husband, more than I ever thought I could love someone, but marriage is HARD. I am a sinner and he is a sinner and we struggle. We fight. We say things that we can never take back. And at the end of the day, things are not always better. Bet you have never seen that on my Facebook wall.

And here is the {worst} mask of all. I post Bible verses, and hymn lyrics, and blogs about how much I love the Lord and how wonderful being in ministry is. I post about how #blessed and #thankful I am. I post all sorts of articles about "staying away from idols" or "godliness" or "Biblical womanhood and self image." When in fact, there are days that I do not want to pray and I don't. There are days, and {painful to admit} sometimes weeks I do not read my Bible. There are days that I do not feel like going to church and being around other believers. And at some point, every single day, I choose myself over God. I choose what I want rather than what I know is right.

But not many people would know these things because my pride keeps me hidden behind masks. My pride prevents me from using my life, my struggles, my sins and my shortcomings as instruments to point others to Christ. My pride keeps me from proclaiming the redeeming love of Christ through my brokenness. What a waste.

Each of these horrible things I do, say, or think(and the million others I didn't share) are bad. They are sinful and, frankly, embarrassing. And no matter how hard I try, or how many "masks" I post, I cannot overcome them myself. But the GREAT news is, I don't have to. Christ wants me just the way I am: as the weight-consious, baby-yelling, prideful woman that am I. He wants me to come to him that way because even though I cannot fix myself, He can. So rather than continuing to fuel my pride and "fix" myself, I would much, much rather Christ fix me instead (thank goodness Christ doesn't post his work subjects on social media, right?)

"He must become greater; I must become less"

John 3:30

I created my "masks" through social media, so I figured I need to break them through social media as well. Join me.

#unfiltered

5 Questions to ask before posting to social media {Here is a great article to help with this issue!}

Months 0-3

I had all of these wonderful ideas about doing monthly posts, but wouldn't you know, being a new parent is a little bit busy. I just have to laugh at myself now thinking back to all of the things I said I was going to do as soon as Levi arrived!

I cannot believe how fast time is flying and how big Levi already is! Although there have been several moments (normally at 5 in the morning) where it has seemed like time is creeping by, in reality, it feels like he just came home from the hospital yesterday. The days are long, but the years are short; and I'm trying to treasure every second (even the really hard ones).

The last time I posted, Levi was battling a pretty severe case of jaundice and was on an at home phototherapy treatment called a biliblanket. Thankfully, by the time he was 3 weeks old he was off the blanket and doing much, much better! At his 2 month check up, we were told that he has pretty bad acid reflux/ heartburn as well, which is very common in little babies and easily fixed with some medicine! Other than that, he is a very healthy and very active little baby!

It has been absolutely incredible getting to see him grow and change by the day. With each week, we are getting to see more and more glimpses of his personality as well as his likes and dislikes. He LOVES music. "Piano lullabies" on Pandora has been a lifesaver. I get weird looks in the grocery store all the time because I play him music as we shop (hey- whatever works, right?) He also loves watching the dogs, which is good because the dogs have not learned boundaries yet; they have sat on Levi on more than one occasion. But Levi hasn't learned boundaries yet either, since I look over at least once a day and he has some of Packer's hair clenched in his hand. Luckily he cannot lift Packer into his mouth because that is where everything else he grabs a hold of goes!

In addition to chewing on everything he can get his hands on, Levi loves standing and "jumping". If my arms could spot him the whole time he would stand all day long. He loves it. I'm really hoping that doesn't mean he will be one of those babies that goes straight to walking. Thankfully, Uncle Josh and Aunt Stephanie got him a doorway jumper for Christmas so my arms can have a break!

Levi is also the biggest flirt I have ever seen in a baby. Which is a good thing because he has a lot of Southern Miss girls to impress. Over the holidays, Levi had been pretty sick for almost a week and MISERABLE. He cried almost all day long for several days until we finally took him into a clinic up in Wisconsin. Wouldn't you know it, the moment the FEMALE physician walked in he was all smiles and giggles the whole time she examined him. I guess being sick is less important than entertaining the ladies.





And you can't pick up the ladies without talking! His sweet little voice "talks" all. day. long. and he loves when we talk back. A couple of nights ago, after Mitch got home, Levi sat on his chest and "talked" to Mitch for over ten minutes while Mitch just smiled and nodded (and laughed). I like to think he is just telling Mitch about his day.

These first three months have been full of firsts: first Auburn football game, first 18 hour road trip to Wisconsin, first Christmas, first laugh, first Cru meeting, first snow; and the less glamourous first fever, first cold, and his first vaccinations (yes, I chose to vaccinate Levi and I am thankful I live in a country where I can) We are so thankful for every single first and we cannot wait for the ones to come!

Our Sweet Little Blessing

(Disclaimer: Sorry the post is kinda long but we have had so many people asking for details that it was a lot easier to just write them on the blog where everyone can be updated!)

One week ago today, Mitch, myself and my mom were sitting at Forrest General Hospital waiting on little Levi's debut. We had gone to the hospital the night before and I had SLOWLY progressed through out the night (emphasis on the SLOWLY) and continued to slowly and steadily progress through the day. Thankfully, I had a really sweet nurse who would graciously make it seem like delivery wasn't forever far away (even when it  probably was).

First family photo

Finally, at 8:50pm on September 10, exactly 24 hours after we had arrived at the hospital, Levi Harvey Jaeger was born! Levi was 6 pounds 14 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long with a full head of dark, dark hair (not sure where that came from!). 24 hours of labor? What labor? I had totally forgotten it all from the moment I got to hold  him.

It was around midnight when they had finally transferred Mitch, Levi and myself to our new room at the hospital and we were all exhausted! However, the moment the nurse leaves you alone in your room with your newborn baby exhaustion is quickly replaced with panic. I would love to tell you that Mitch and I were completely prepared and excited to spend our first night with our son but that would be a lie. We were TERRIFIED. What if something happened? Feed him every 2-3 hours? (I don't know how to feed him!) I use this bulb for what? In case he chokes?? Needless to say, we were really tired and really nervous. So when the nurse asked if we wanted to send him to the nursery for the night, I (guiltily) said yes (what kind of mother am I?) Although I felt extremely guilty and like a terrible mother already, God knew way before us that sending him to the nursery probably saved Levi's life that night! Sometime that night, Levi's blood sugar plummeted and he had gone unresponsive while in the nursery. Thankfully, the nursery is staffed with nurses 24/7 so they were able to notice his condition and quickly address it. Thank the Lord that He knew beforehand what we didn't! After that night, Levi's blood sugar has been fine but he was known as the "low blood sugar baby" for the remainder of our hospital stay (making big impressions already)!

The next couple of days were special, incredible, scary, nerve-wracking, and every other emotion from one end of the spectrum to the other! I still felt incredibly incapable of caring for Levi or even knowing how to care for him (I now realize I will probably always feel this way at least a little bit!) but I was so in love with him that I wanted to be holding him every second. The second day in the hospital (Wednesday), this escalated greatly when Levi had spit up some amniotic fluid and ended up choking and not breathing for a few seconds (it seemed like hours). Thankfully, my mom was holding him at the time and she had him breathing again in no time. I, on the other hand, had no idea what to do and sat stunned in the bed and then hysterically cried for a good 5 minutes (not to mention my blood pressure reading that hour was so high the nurse had to come back and re-check it later). If I wasn't scared I was caring for Levi before, I was then. I have probably never felt so vulnerable in my life. Finally, the last night we were at the hospital (Thursday night), I sent Mitch and my mom home for the night so that I could spend the night getting over my fear of caring for Levi by myself. Good news- we both survived!

My amazing, selfless mother (Mimi)

First full day at the hospital together!

Since leaving the hospital we have LOVED slowly learning how to parent and care for Levi. In addition, we have been learning that it never is going to go as you think or plan! In my head, I had this idea that we would come home from the hospital and just spend all day cuddling on the couch and we would all live happily ever after. However, since he was born, Levi's bilirubin numbers have been high and steadily climbing (meaning he has jaundice and his liver is not catching up with his system yet). Because of this, we've been having to go to the hospital daily to get his blood work done and his levels monitored. In addition, we have been having to syringe feed him formula (its as comical as it sounds). Since his numbers were still climbing fairly high as of yesterday morning, Levi has now been placed on an outpatient light therapy machine called a "biliblanket" that he has to wear 24  hours a day. The "biliblanket" is a long strip that fastens onto his bare torso that is then connected to a large power box that is plugged into the wall. The machine might be a pain but we are so incredibly thankful that we are not having to check him back into the hospital to be treated. Hopefully, Levi's jaundice will be treated and he will be off the biliblanket by the end of this week! God is good.

Heading home!

First day on the biliblanket

These few curveballs have been a little difficult to deal with (especially for an over-nervous mama), but have given us such a great perspective on parenting and a great reminder of what a precious gift Levi is! This past week has truly been the best week of my life and I never thought that I could become so enamored in such a short amount of time with something so small. We are so thankful to the Lord for entrusting us with this precious gift and we are so thankful for all of you who have prayed, called, texted, & shared in this joyous time with us!

(I plan on doing monthly "Levi updates" so be sure to check back if you want to keep up with him!)

It's the Final Countdown: Pregnancy Update

Since I have barely even mentioned our pregnancy on here, and since many have been asking, I figured that it was time for an update on our sweet little man that should be arriving any day now! I am extremely thankful to say that this pregnancy has been INCREDIBLY easy (I almost feel guilty saying that because I know so many women who have been sick most of their pregnancies!) God was extremely gracious and I haven't suffered from any morning sickness, too much discomfort, or any major complications. Because of this, I have been able to continue working and traveling up until a few weeks ago! I was even able to spend most of the summer running/hiking around Jackson Hole with a bunch of college students (although I can't even imagine climbing a hill at this point unless it is on a treadmill, in front of a fan, at my air conditioned gym).

7 1/2 months, Delta Lake Hike, Wyoming

Having a healthy and easy pregnancy has been such a blessing and I am so thankful that we were able to safely complete all of our summer travels and arrive back to Mississippi in one piece! Not to mention,
we will be able to show Levi all of the great places he travelled too before he was even born!

7 months (Wyoming) & 8 months (Colorado)

Although this summer was amazing, Mitch and I are very glad to be back home in Mississippi and able to relax and prepare for the coming semester (school starts tomorrow!) and for Levi's arrival. At our last appointment, we were told he could be coming any time now!!

Nursery

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers for all of us through out this pregnancy! We cannot wait to update you on his arrival!

9 months (Mississippi)

Jackson Hole: Wrapping Up

I know that I have already written about our Jackson Hole Summer Project, what we did, what we taught, and what we learned, but I wanted to take the opportunity to share what our students wrote about the summer project and how God used those 4 weeks in their lives.

At the end of project, we asked students to evaluate the summer project as a whole and evaluate their own lives and how God had changed them over the past 4 weeks. Here are just a few of their words describing how they grew:

"God taught me that being a Christian is not about works, but about the relationship with him. I truly learned why Jesus died on the cross for our sins."

 "I grew in my walk with the Lord in so many ways. I have grown in my desire to study the Bible and pray consistently, build a community, and grasp unconditional love."

"God is asking me to leave all idols and things behind so that I can fully depend on him."

"I really grew in my understanding of the gospel. I learned what it really means to trust in the Lord and walk with him."

"I matured in my faith, gained a deeper understanding of the depth of the gospel and how it applies to situations in my life."

"I grew in understanding how much the Lord loves me despite me."

Praise the Lord again for choosing to use us and this years summer project to draw students closer to Him!!

Jackson Hole: Because He is worth it

Week four wrapped up our final week out in Jackson Hole as the project came to a close. The final week of a project is always overloaded with so many different emotions from students and staff alike:

1. Relief ("I don't have to share a shower with 20 girls anymore!")
2. Excitement ("I cannot wait to share with my friends and family all that I have learned!")
3. Sadness ("I'm going to miss all of these new and wonderful friends I have made")
4. Nervousness ("I am nervous I will get home and slip right back into my old lifestyle")
5. Fear ("I am going back to a place where I have no Christian community or support")

Because of the reality of these things, we spend most of the end of the week addressing how to handle what we like to call "Post Project Depression" or PPD. You may laugh when you read that but I promise, it is a very real thing! When you embark on a summer project, you spend anywhere from 4-11 weeks surrounded by uplifting Christian community. Most students that come on summer projects are coming from schools and atmospheres where Christianity is NOT the "cool" thing to do. Loving Christ and living unashamed in His commands is looked down upon and most times, criticized (by fellow students, parents and professors alike). Most students are coming from non-believing families, non-believing friends, and not many people to walk together with in Christian community. Because of that, going back home after  4 weeks of being surrounded by a very close, Christian community can be very hard and very overwhelming (which is why we spend time addressing how to handle PPD!)

In addition to discussing things like this, we spent the last week just having fun! Although I realize many people did not consider our final hike to be very "fun", Mitch and I thought it was a blast! One of the last days we were in Wyoming, we hiked up 3,000 ft on a 9 mile (round-trip) trail that placed us at one of the most beautiful lakes I have ever seen. It is a good thing that the lake was so pretty because the hike was HARD. We crawled across two boulder fields, scrambled up on our hands and knees at points, and the switchbacks looked like they would never end. But the moment we made it to the top, it made it all worth it.

Delta Lake

The hike to Delta Lake couldn't have been more perfect for our closing week of the project. For hours we climbed, sweated, cried, complained, fell, and became extremely tired. It was hard, and it was extremely challenging, but we kept going. The moment we reached the top and saw the lake we literally jumped and cheered. Why didn't we stop when it got hard? Why didn't we stop when the fear of heights got the best of us? Why didn't we stop when we were so tired we didn't think we could keep going? Because the prize was WORTH IT. What a perfect and beautiful picture and real-life experience of why we press on as Christians.

Why do we press on even though our friends criticize us? Why do we press on when our professors balk at our beliefs? Why do we press on when God asks us to do hard things? Why do we press on even when it seems like things will never get better? Because the prize is WORTH IT. Because HE is WORTH IT.

But as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing EVERYTHING

2 Corinthians 6:4-10