What if your year was not amazing?
What if your year was really hard?
What if your year left you wounded and weary?
Is God still good?
This is a lot of people's reality as they say goodbye to 2015 and brace themselves for 2016. This is our reality. Now before I go any further, I must attest to the many gracious and wonderful things that happened in our year. Namely, this sweet baby below.
We have a beautiful house, an incredibly supportive and loving family, a wonderful church family. We have encouraging and tenderhearted friends. We have amazing doctors, therapists, and teachers who work tirelessly for us so that our year can be better. We do not want for anything. We are undeniably blessed.
We have also hurt more this year than any year before. We have faced more trials in this year than any year before. We have walked alongside loved ones who have suffered greatly this year. We have faced great disappointment, great unknowns, and some really, really hard "no"s from the Lord. 2015 was not our "best year yet" and we are not skipping happily into the new year. We are the tired marathon runner with the bummed leg who is slowly crossing the finish line, bearing wounds and dragging baggage behind us. We are strained. We are weary. We are low.
At the beginning of 2015, I was sure that Levi was just being "stubborn" and that by the end of the year he would be talking, laughing, and playing like the normal 2 year old I (thought) I wanted. At the beginning of 2015, I never would have imagined that I would spend part of Christmas day hiding in a room crying because Levi screamed most of his way through the morning and wouldn't (and still hasn't) touched a single present that he received. I never would have imagined that after 2 car accidents, a totaled car, and car and house break-ins in our neighborhood that my anxiety would be at the highest that I have ever experienced. My sinful heart wants to be angry. My sinful heart wants to glare at God while I watch that year that I had envisioned mock me as is floats away. My sinful (and dramatic) heart wants to wash my hands of 2015 and say "good riddance, what a waste."
What does that say about our year? What does God say about our year?
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways." This is the Lords declaration. "For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." {Isaiah 55:8-9}
To the world, and to my sinful heart, my year looks like a jumbled mess. But to the Lord, this year was fruitful and good. The hard moments, the "no"s, the grieving, and the disappointments were just as important as the moments of happiness and prosperity. The uncertainties surrounding Lucas' health and Levi's future are leading us to lean on the Prince of Peace. It is good. The anxiety that has come from car accidents and close calls has renewed my spirit of thankfulness to and my reverence for the Giver of Life. It is good. The fears that have been ignited from break-ins has caused me to recognize my false-sense of security and to turn my trust to the only true Protector. It is good. The "no"s that we have heard this year pertaining to Levi's health and ultimately his diagnosis with Autism have reminded me that all things will work together for good.
As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.… {John 9:2}
Do I understand some of the things that we have gone through this year? No. Do I know what God has planned for this coming year? No.
But I do know, that this year was worth it. I do know that this year was good. And I do know that no matter where the Lord plans to take us this next year, that He is, and always will be, good.
So for those of you who are entering the new year with wounds, heart ache, loneliness, and grief, know that your suffering is not in vain. Know that your hardships will be redeemed. Know that the darkness will not prevail. And most importantly, know that the Lord is good and His love is steadfast. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." {Matthew 11:28}
"I heard the voice of Jesus say,“Come unto Me and rest;Lay down, thou weary one, lay downThy head upon My breast.”I came to Jesus as I was,Weary and worn and sad;I found in Him a resting place,And He has made me glad!"{Horatius Bonar}
