#unfiltered

Masks: we are all living behind one. Thanks to social media, our masks have gotten bolder, more beautiful, and most importantly, more deceiving. Working with college students (mostly women), this issue comes up every. single. day. We walk around daily struggling with relationships, jobs, weight, appearances, parenthood, money, and the list goes on. But we don't show other people that! Instead, we hop on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook and post pictures of ourselves in the mirrors at the gym, or our child laughing (for the 1 second that he laughed that day), or of the flowers our sweet {insert significant other here} gave us for no reason at all! Or we tweet about how much weight we have lost, or how in love we are, or how perfect our lives are, etc. etc.

And by we, I mean me; my mask is just as big and just as deceiving and that is sad. It is sad because I talk to women daily who are struggling with the same things I do but they think they are alone. It is sad because 90% of the time I think that I am the worst person/mom/wife/Christian/woman ever because I think I am the only one who doesn't do things perfectly. We suffer because we are not honest about our lives. We struggle because we are not honest about our sin. We struggle because we would rather hide behind a picture-perfect mirage than be honest about the harder parts of our lives. We suffer because we only show one-side and so does everyone else. We suffer because that is NOT what Christ has called us to.

We (I) are called to be humble. We (I) are called to be lowly. We (I) are called to be less so that He can be more. We (I) are called to be transparent. We (I) exist solely to bring glory to God and to live in such a way that others can come to know the Lord and the redemptive work He accomplished through Christ's death on the cross. If you were to look on Instagram or Facebook, there is no room for that. If you were to look at MY Instagram and Facebook, there is no room for that. We (I) are too busy painting the picture of people & relationships who do not need to be redeemed because they are already perfect! I am too busy bringing glory to myself. I am too busy making people and their opinions of me bigger than God. And I am too busy helping others do the same.

I post pictures on Instagram and Facebook because I want to show off my family. I post pictures of myself because I want people to tell me I'm pretty, or that I look great, or that they can't believe I've lost the baby weight! When in fact, I have not lost the baby weight nor has it been easy too; adding more self-image struggles onto years of weight and body-image issues. I post pictures or statuses about how good of a baby Levi is and how much I love being a mother. I do love Levi and I do love being a mother but there have been MANY times over the past 4 months that I have said (out loud) that I hated being a mother and that it was too hard (This coming from the woman who pleaded with God for a baby for well over a year). I post about things that make me seem like a good mother. When in fact, I have yelled at my baby in the middle of the night more. than. once. And how I wish it stopped there.

I have posted about how wonderful my husband and marriage is and how great we get along. I do love my husband, more than I ever thought I could love someone, but marriage is HARD. I am a sinner and he is a sinner and we struggle. We fight. We say things that we can never take back. And at the end of the day, things are not always better. Bet you have never seen that on my Facebook wall.

And here is the {worst} mask of all. I post Bible verses, and hymn lyrics, and blogs about how much I love the Lord and how wonderful being in ministry is. I post about how #blessed and #thankful I am. I post all sorts of articles about "staying away from idols" or "godliness" or "Biblical womanhood and self image." When in fact, there are days that I do not want to pray and I don't. There are days, and {painful to admit} sometimes weeks I do not read my Bible. There are days that I do not feel like going to church and being around other believers. And at some point, every single day, I choose myself over God. I choose what I want rather than what I know is right.

But not many people would know these things because my pride keeps me hidden behind masks. My pride prevents me from using my life, my struggles, my sins and my shortcomings as instruments to point others to Christ. My pride keeps me from proclaiming the redeeming love of Christ through my brokenness. What a waste.

Each of these horrible things I do, say, or think(and the million others I didn't share) are bad. They are sinful and, frankly, embarrassing. And no matter how hard I try, or how many "masks" I post, I cannot overcome them myself. But the GREAT news is, I don't have to. Christ wants me just the way I am: as the weight-consious, baby-yelling, prideful woman that am I. He wants me to come to him that way because even though I cannot fix myself, He can. So rather than continuing to fuel my pride and "fix" myself, I would much, much rather Christ fix me instead (thank goodness Christ doesn't post his work subjects on social media, right?)

"He must become greater; I must become less"

John 3:30

I created my "masks" through social media, so I figured I need to break them through social media as well. Join me.

#unfiltered

5 Questions to ask before posting to social media {Here is a great article to help with this issue!}

Months 0-3

I had all of these wonderful ideas about doing monthly posts, but wouldn't you know, being a new parent is a little bit busy. I just have to laugh at myself now thinking back to all of the things I said I was going to do as soon as Levi arrived!

I cannot believe how fast time is flying and how big Levi already is! Although there have been several moments (normally at 5 in the morning) where it has seemed like time is creeping by, in reality, it feels like he just came home from the hospital yesterday. The days are long, but the years are short; and I'm trying to treasure every second (even the really hard ones).

The last time I posted, Levi was battling a pretty severe case of jaundice and was on an at home phototherapy treatment called a biliblanket. Thankfully, by the time he was 3 weeks old he was off the blanket and doing much, much better! At his 2 month check up, we were told that he has pretty bad acid reflux/ heartburn as well, which is very common in little babies and easily fixed with some medicine! Other than that, he is a very healthy and very active little baby!

It has been absolutely incredible getting to see him grow and change by the day. With each week, we are getting to see more and more glimpses of his personality as well as his likes and dislikes. He LOVES music. "Piano lullabies" on Pandora has been a lifesaver. I get weird looks in the grocery store all the time because I play him music as we shop (hey- whatever works, right?) He also loves watching the dogs, which is good because the dogs have not learned boundaries yet; they have sat on Levi on more than one occasion. But Levi hasn't learned boundaries yet either, since I look over at least once a day and he has some of Packer's hair clenched in his hand. Luckily he cannot lift Packer into his mouth because that is where everything else he grabs a hold of goes!

In addition to chewing on everything he can get his hands on, Levi loves standing and "jumping". If my arms could spot him the whole time he would stand all day long. He loves it. I'm really hoping that doesn't mean he will be one of those babies that goes straight to walking. Thankfully, Uncle Josh and Aunt Stephanie got him a doorway jumper for Christmas so my arms can have a break!

Levi is also the biggest flirt I have ever seen in a baby. Which is a good thing because he has a lot of Southern Miss girls to impress. Over the holidays, Levi had been pretty sick for almost a week and MISERABLE. He cried almost all day long for several days until we finally took him into a clinic up in Wisconsin. Wouldn't you know it, the moment the FEMALE physician walked in he was all smiles and giggles the whole time she examined him. I guess being sick is less important than entertaining the ladies.





And you can't pick up the ladies without talking! His sweet little voice "talks" all. day. long. and he loves when we talk back. A couple of nights ago, after Mitch got home, Levi sat on his chest and "talked" to Mitch for over ten minutes while Mitch just smiled and nodded (and laughed). I like to think he is just telling Mitch about his day.

These first three months have been full of firsts: first Auburn football game, first 18 hour road trip to Wisconsin, first Christmas, first laugh, first Cru meeting, first snow; and the less glamourous first fever, first cold, and his first vaccinations (yes, I chose to vaccinate Levi and I am thankful I live in a country where I can) We are so thankful for every single first and we cannot wait for the ones to come!